First things first: I am SO excited to tell everyone that I received the absolute nicest, warmest, classiest, most heart-felt “thank you” ever from my first recipient, Mr. G.! (Giving Anonymously forwarded me his phoned-in message, and I was able to listen to it online.) He is truly as good a man as I could have ever hoped. I really, REALLY wish you guys could have heard it. He’s got a beautiful voice, and was just overflowing with good feelings. Suffice it to say, he made my day. Thank you, thank you Mr. G!
My only tiny regret is that it seems that he never saw this site. I’m not sure if he just didn’t see the note that was included, or if perhaps he doesn’t have access to the web. In any case, not a big deal. The main thing is that he really appreciated it.
Now, anyone following yesterday’s post knows I didn’t have quite the same luck with my second recipient. There was a bit of drama initially, as she reported poor L.J. to the Mothering mods as being a scam. But no harm done — after she visited the site, she saw that I was sincere. (She said it was all your wonderful comments that convinced her that I was for real. So I owe you guys all a huge mushy “thank you!” too! I might not have the most commenters on the web, but I know I’ve got the best. 
)
Anyway, she sent me the sweetest possible apology. I told her it was the nicest apology I’ve ever received, and I meant it. It turns out that she used to work in a bank, and she dealt directly with people who had been scammed by offers of gifts and money. So it’s completely understandable that she had her guard up. Actually, it’s more than understandable; it’s downright smart. And it’s helped me realize that I’m going to have to put some more thought into how to give money appropriately. It might be that the anonymous web approach isn’t going to be my best angle.
Sadly, even after she saw that it wasn’t a scam, I still couldn’t convince her to take the money. I absolutely know that she was, and still is, a deserving choice. But she wishes the money to go to someone more needy than her. She suggested a donation to a women’s shelter. I reassured her that my husband and I already give plenty to charities, but that we also get lots of joy from giving to regular people like her.
There’s a lot for me to chew on here, and I would just love everyone’s thoughts. I’m slightly stuck on what to do next. I’m a little shy of contacting any more people on the web, and unfortunately that’s where the vast bulk of my recipient list is. I may need to rethink my strategy a bit, but I’m up for the challenge.
I’m going to put some thought into this today. Hopefully, some of you will add your thoughts too. All I know is that I don’t want my poor site to fizzle almost before it’s begun. But I’m not worried. I have a premonition that this site is going to wind up better and stronger than ever.
Tune in tomorrow if you’re curious about my next move!
Huge love to all of you!
November 5th, 2009 - 11:31 am
I learned so much from that experience yesterday and I too, received a nice apology from would-be-recipient #2. Although it did stir up things a little for me and resulted in me ‘having some s’plainin’ to do’ I knew in my heart that I was doing something really beautiful and in that spirit, I trusted and continue to trust that all is well.
The experience also gave me the opportunity to look at giving and receiving and to see that EVERYONE deserves a little special magic in their life. There is no one more or less deserving of magic…and that idea really sat with me all day yesterday.
I really believe that the Universe works in mysterious ways and although this woman did not get a free dress…she did receive the gift of giving and magic. Perhaps it was the Universe’s way of saying we can spread magic in many ways, whether it’s received the way we think it will be or not.
I’m very grateful for being involved in this and have learned and reflected so much. I’m eagerly awaiting the next recipient announcement and hope more opportunities will arise for me to help out if/when needed.
Love to all.
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November 5th, 2009 - 12:23 pm
L.J., I could not have said it better myself. I just want to quote your entire comment all over again. “There is no one moer or less deserving of magic.” EXACTLY!
Thank you for being such an amazingly generous, caring, and willing person. Your continued support means the world to me!
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November 5th, 2009 - 3:05 pm
Oh, I’m sorry she felt uncomfortable. I can totally understand that though! I wouldn’t let it sway you though. Perhaps since she couldn’t accept it in this way it will find another path into her life. How generous that even in her position she was asking you to donate it to a worthier cause! Just beautiful.
I have to say after thinking about this there may be a window required. I mean, what you are doing is MAGICAL and though everyone deserves magic, not everyone recognizes it straightaway. It may be that they need time to mull it over, feel it out and acclimate to the idea that something they said touched someone. That it’s not charity, it’s MAGIC! That’s a big difference and could mean the difference between outright refusal and their ability to receive. I’d give them the site, let them peruse it and open their hearts to the magic.
Although it’s all around us not everyone is used to seeing it. I bet once they recover from the shock of a total stranger offering that kind of gift they may have a different response. Just my thoughts!
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November 5th, 2009 - 5:55 pm
Thank you so much for your thoughts, Elisabeth. I think you are totally right. About everything.
And she really was a lovely person.
I am realizing how much easier it is for people to receive if the money just sort of lands on them, like Mr. G.. That way they know there’s no strings attached and no scam, because the money is already in their hands, yk? If I have to ask for information first, then it makes sense that all kinds of flags go up. It actually seems obvious to me now, though I hadn’t foreseen it.
I’m actually very grateful that the recipient brought all this up! It’s helping me refine my process, and I have lots of fun ideas brewing now. I really think this is all for the best!
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November 5th, 2009 - 8:20 pm
I agree w/ you all, having just received a wonderful magical gift, it was not easy to accept, for my husband and i we know that there are many many many others more needy than us, we were feeling maybe we should not take it then if we do take it we were also wondering what to do with the magical gift of money–do we consult our friends who gave it,do we pay certain bills, food, drs., invest it in something, should i ask the person i received it from, give it to someone else, but realizing that it is not charity -we are not charity–it is magic, and magic does exist, and the universe is amzing how it works, im very lucky, me and my family are very lucky to have amazing people all around us and with this magic gift i feel like i can breathe again, dont get me wrong i live a wonderful life, with a hard working wonderful husband who adores me and our 4 children, i have a great pt job im a family therapist and work w/ many adolescents and thier familes and even though my job brings about many negative things im good at what i do and i change peoples lives!!! and knowing that someone else beleives in me and by offering such a magical gift to let me know that they believe in me well its just amazing!!!! not everyone one believes in magic and not that long ago i was doubting in the universe and its wonderful powers it just takes one person or two!! to change a life for the better and then that person can change other lives and well you understand sorry to ramble but i just really believe in what your doing and i hope i can do what your doing some day!!!!! everyone deserves to believe in magic and believe that people even strangers can be wonderful this world our world can become more and more woederful esp for our children and they will continue to pass on the magic!!!!
thank you for this website and giving me the chance to read from other wonderful people!!!!!
el
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November 6th, 2009 - 10:39 am
El, thank you so much for sharing your experience as a recipient of someone else’s gift. That was truly helpful. I love how you were able to change your thoughts around receiving money, to see it as a a gift of appreciation and love rather than a gift of charity. That says a world of good about you!
I thought about what you all said, and I updated the “Did You Receive Something” page. I realize there’s only so much I can do if someone is resistant to receiving, but I figure I’ll do as what I can, and with a little luck, open a few hearts.
So I added a few lines reassuring the recipients that I do NOT see them as charity cases, and sharing my belief that *everyone* is deserving, not just the down and destitute. I also reassured them that if they want to re-gift the money to someone else, that’s totally fine by me (and it really truly is!) So hopefully that will help.
I also think I found the perfect next recipient(s) for a gift. YAY!!!!! I have to do a little bit more sleuthing, but I’m pretty sure I can get their pay pal addresses, so they won’t have a chance to say no! (Cue evil laughter here, lol.) I hope to post about it soon.
Stay tuned, and thank you all SO MUCH.
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November 9th, 2009 - 1:10 pm
But then again, maybe “charity” is getting a bad rap?? Maybe after recipient two understood that your (beautiful, generous) gift was for real, her personal instinct was to contribute to balance on a more global scale? I wish she had accepted and then “forwarded” her gift to the women’s shelter, like she was a link in a golden chain leading to the divinely destined recipient. Only recipient two had this shelter in mind; it was the only way that this particular monetary gift was going to get there. Heartwarming still, all that you are doing, ABM! Best wishes : )
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November 9th, 2009 - 1:46 pm
That’s a great point, Cat. And I just love the image of being a “link in a golden chain.” How lovely!
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November 25th, 2009 - 5:52 am
Maybe the gift for this Mama wasn’t something physical that was offered to her but the tiny seed that is now planted in her heart that she also is deserving of receiving and that there is magic in the world out there. And maybe soon it will blossom into a deep knowing and understanding which will allow her the freedom to accept future gifts because she knows she is deserving.
That’s a pretty awesome gift ♥
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