I’m finding myself strangely apprehensive, beginning this post. I had intended to tackle it first thing this morning, but instead, I’ve been finding every excuse to put it off. First I took a long walk (even though the streets are covered in black ice, and I slid more than I strode). Then I came home and scrubbed my kitchen to a shine (even the oven!). And then of course there was laundry to fold, toys to tidy, floors to sweep, and windows to wipe. When I had run out of house chores and actually found myself organizing my address book, I knew that I was deep in a very serious fit of procrastination.
So I sat myself down and asked myself just why I am so hesitant to begin.
The answer came quickly: It’s that today’s recipient means SO much to me. This man is such a special person, and I SO badly want this post to be worthy of him. But the hard truth is that I know I can’t really do it. I don’t say that to be harsh on myself, I just know that whatever I write is going to feel inadequate, that it will fall short, and that I will be left feeling frustrated and inept. And on top of that, I only give out “bigger” gifts a few times a year, and this is one of those times. That’s a lot of pressure — no wonder I was procrastinating!
Nonetheless, I am foraging ahead, secure in the knowledge that doing this imperfectly is a far cry better than not doing it at all. And, so, here it is, my inadequate tribute to a FAR more than adequate man:
Today’s recipient is a blogger at the online magazine Open Salon. He goes by the name “Torman.” Anyone who wishes can read his entire blog here, and I do recommend it, as he is a fantastic writer. But you can get actually a remarkably good sense of him just by reading his profile:
I am a simple man who has lived a simple life for sixty years. I have not dined with movie stars nor Kings and Queens. I have not walked the halls of power, nor have I been a mover and a shaker. I have, however, been a soldier, a tinker, a jack of all trades. I have raised five children….I have been loved and I have loved. I do not see grand designs nor do I chase after them. Instead, I listen to the heartbeat of the land and I rejoice in a bird’s song in the morning. Do not come here seeking answers for I have none. I do have questions which I will ask you constantly though. I do not believe in arguing so Politics will not be discussed in my blog. I do not care what your personal beliefs are for you are free to believe as you will…please allow me to do likewise. I have never been rich, but I have always been poor. Being poor however has never stopped me from feeling rich. I feel rich because I have the love of a good woman. Melinda completes me. She gives me the peace of mind and soul required to write about life without regrets and without envy of those who might have more. She is my world. Almosta Ranch is our heaven and we are happy. This is what I want to share with you in this blog.
Needless to say, I am a huge, HUGE fan. He sometimes writes of difficult things: He is a veteran who suffers from post-traumatic stress syndrome, he has faced death, strokes, and depression, and most recently (and most heart-breakingly) he is having to face the terminal illness of his beloved step-son. But somehow, even when dealing with hardships like these, he writes from a place of strength, hope, optimism, humor, and love. He is unfailingly gracious, unerringly kind, and almost shockingly humble. To top it all off, he is madly besotted with his wife and has written the kind of tributes to her that leave me in piles of tissues.
Guys, I just ADORE this man.
Check out a few of his posts for yourselves, if you’d like, beginning with some on the heavier side:
–Death is easy it’s life that’s hard
–An open letter to God
–The soul would have no rainbows if the eyes had no tears
And on the lighter side, tastes of his childhood and his everyday life at “Almosta Ranch”:
–The animals of Almosta Ranch
–Early morning remembrances
–Why fame and I will forever be strangers
–Merry Christmas from Almosta Ranch (includes pictures)
Torman, if you are reading this: I hope I am not too badly embarrassing you. I know you have the kind of natural humility that will probably make you blush at this and resist the praise. But I simply MUST let you know what an impression you’ve made on me. You have touched my heart and made me want to be a better person.
I do hope you accept my gift. You have been a true inspiration for me, and this is just my way of paying back just a tiny fraction of what I feel I’ve received. (If I could, I would add three zeroes to the end of it — and that still wouldn’t feel like enough!)
Please, though, do enjoy it. And, more importantly, know that your writing has truly touched me, and that I thank you.
Hats off to Torman, an amazing man!
(As soon as I hit “publish” on this post, I am going to contact Giving Anonymously. I have used my super-sleuth abilities to figure out his real name and phone number, so I’m guessing there won’t be any problems finding him. 
Fingers crossed!)
January 8th, 2010 - 1:57 pm
wowiee that gave me goosebumps of the good kind. He indeed sounds like a remarkable person.
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January 8th, 2010 - 2:27 pm
Thanks SO much for sharing Torman’s story: you created a wonderful tribute to a wonderful man!
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January 8th, 2010 - 3:00 pm
he sounds PERFECT. I am loving this guy!
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January 9th, 2010 - 8:33 am
I so appreciate hearing about this man first thing this morning!
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January 12th, 2010 - 2:06 pm
Thank you all, so much, for your comments. You have no idea how much it means to me, to know that I’m not writing into some kind of void!
And I have a happy update: Giving Anonymously just e-mailed that they talked to Torman today, and he has accepted the gift! He doesn’t know about the website yet, or how much, but they will mail his check within two business days, which means he’ll receive it early next week at the latest. I’m so excited!
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January 12th, 2010 - 2:08 pm
Oh, that is great news! Thanks so much for sharing!
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January 19th, 2010 - 12:16 am
Dear ABM,
I am so totally blown away by the unexpectedness of your gift to me and the fact that I don’t even know your name, that I am at a loss for words and if you have read my blog as you say, then you know how rare it is for me NOT to have words to blab.
As wonderful as it was to suddenly find myself the recipient of unlooked for money, the truly touching part of your gift was what I just read. To know that there is someone out there in this wide, beautiful, world who has been touched by the words of this simple, old, country boy has moved me to tears.
It is late…eleven at night…and I just came home from work. My wife, Mel, who found this site, had your blog pulled up for me to read. You will never know how deeply your words touched my heart and THAT is the most precious gift one person can give to another.
To know that my words have found and touched another human is the very definition of success for any writer. If I never publish another book, I will now…finally….believe that I have been a success.
Just know this; I am deeply grateful for the money you sent us, but it was your words that filled my heart with a joy that I find so very difficult to put into words. My fondest wish is that one day I find out who you are and am able to sit down, here at Almosta Ranch with you and share coffee and conversation. Your gift is the gift of your heart and that is more valuable than all the gold in the world.
Thank you,
David
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Abundance By Magic Reply:
January 19th, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Awwwww, wow, thank you so much for this, David. I’m such a goof, I’m sitting here all atwitter — I feel like I’m having a brush with a celebrity!
It’s probably obvious, but I’m a huge fan of OpenSalon. There are so many gifted writers there, I’m just in awe of the place. I find something posted nearly every day that blows me away. But you are my very favorite, and I always make sure to search for your recent posts in case I missed anything. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there were many lurkers like me who felt the same.
Anyway, I’ll stop fawning now.
I’m so glad you liked the gift. I feel lucky to be able to give it, and I really hope you use it to treat yourself (and Mel, of course!) to something lovely. You certainly deserve it!
All my very best,
ABM
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January 19th, 2010 - 2:22 pm
Wow. David’s response got me a little teary! I am so moved by his humility and all-around loveliness. Thanks again, ABM, for sharing this gem (and YOU!) with us!
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January 21st, 2010 - 12:26 pm
I have already “met” this man on Open Salon. You couldn’t have made a better choice!
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January 21st, 2010 - 1:19 pm
Awesome choice! I am a new follower of Torman on OS but he touches me each time I read him.
I wish we were neighbors.
I look forward to following more of what you are doing. I find it inspiring and quite beautiful.
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January 21st, 2010 - 1:50 pm
David/Torman is indeed an incredible man and a wonderful writer. It has been my privilege to develop a relationship with him over the past year and to read his blog. You have indeed selected a most uncommon/common man. Thank you for doing this for this outstanding person.
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January 22nd, 2010 - 1:44 pm
Oh my gosh, Torman, I just read your post…
You guys: Torman wrote a whole post about us on OpenSalon! You must go check it out, I am truly overwhelmed!
The post is here:
http://open.salon.com/blog/torman/2010/01/21/there_are_angels_among_us_and_they_call_themselves_elves
And be sure to read all those lovely comments under it. WOW!
Thank you so much. Your kind words mean the world to me. Not to mention I’m getting a huge kick out of the fact that my traffic spiked yesterday to more than double my typical readers (how cool is THAT?!).
I think most of all I’m tickled to hear that I’m helping to fund a fence, and SO glad to hear that you’re taking your lovely wife for a night on the town. I could not possibly think of anything better.
Thank you again. You made me feel like the luckiest person on the planet today!
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January 22nd, 2010 - 9:37 pm
Ooh! I went to see Torman’s post and it was so lovely to see all of the comments reaffirming your choice! I wanted him to know how moved I was by his story, too, and went through registering with the site, thinking I was leaving my screen name “joyful juno”, but my real name came up in the comments. Oh well, so much for anonymity!
And I was also distracted by my son, so I mixed up some words, and I was basically so flustered by the process that I came back here to let YOU know that I continue to be so inspired by your example! As I wrote to Torman (but corrected here):
I have been inspired by ABM to be a little more mindful – to not only see all the beauty and kindness in the world, but to honor it as well.
You spend any time at ABM’s website and you see that she is truly a testament to the lovely quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life…we can never help another without helping ourselves.
You revel in her delight in giving and you want to be a part of it.
So thank you again ABM!!!
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January 23rd, 2010 - 3:36 pm
Juno, you’re cracking me up. I read your comment on Torman’s blog, and I thought it was wonderful! Very well written, and so very kind. You didn’t seem flustered at all. Thank you so much. All of this has absolutely made my day. Hooray!
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