Having been officially signed up as an elf for about a month and a half now, I started wondering what was holding me up in the giving process. I knew it didn’t have to be anything big, but I felt like it had to be special at least. I kept waiting… I was opening my awareness to seeing the magic in people, to finding the good everywhere I went. I wanted the moment to feel perfect. For awhile I wasn’t even sure what to give. I knew I wouldn’t be giving away loads of cash, unless I happened to come upon some! An idea came to me to write a special note on a special card…a note to remind the recipient that they are loved and appreciated and that there is magic everywhere. I included a dollar bill as a symbol of exponential prosperity and good fortune. I created two of these little gifts and put them in envelopes.
More waiting… I’d take them around with me for several weeks…waiting for the inspiration or the right moment to show up. The right person would show themselves to me, I was sure of it. Everyone I saw seemed to have wonderful qualities, but nothing was obvious or jumping out at me. Finally, I said to myself, maybe no one is going to jump out at me! I think I just have to DO IT. So I let go of this notion that it had to feel big, special, spectacular, perfect, etc. I took the envelopes with me on a couple grocery errands. At my first stop, I noticed someone, but again, held back. I was thinking “Uh oh, I’m chickening out!” When I went to pay for my groceries, she was in line behind me, so I took it as a sign. I gave one envelope to the bagger and asked him to put it in her grocery bag. Then I left. I have no idea what happened and it was such a rush. It’s pretty funny when I picture myself back in that moment walking casually out the door, and then as I turned the corner, booked it out of there! At my next stop, I did pretty much the exact same thing. It felt good.
So as the old saying goes, JUST DO IT. Never mind trying to make it perfect, because no matter how you end up giving, it is always perfect anyway! It felt awesome (and a relief!) to get over my fear of it not being good enough, and JUST DO IT. Now I feel free of the fear, and ready to go out and spread some more magical abundance!
January 14th, 2010 - 11:17 am
What a lovely post, Serena.
One thing I have really learned about myself is that I go through swings and cycles, where sometimes I feel super-expansive and giving, and other times I feel more contracted, as though my giving-impulse has gone into hibernation. In those periods of hibernation, I do exactly what you described so well: I second-guess, endlessly doubt and question, and procrastinate like crazy.
What I’ve learned is that, for me, the hibernating phase is nearly always just a matter of good old-fashioned anxiety. Gifting strangers is exhilarating, which means that there’s nearly always a dash of fear involved. In my expansive moods, the fear makes it fun, like adding spice to my life. But when my anxiety kicks up, the fear gets too big to be fun. When the fear outweighs the joyfulness, it can be very hard to act.
The real trick, I find, is knowing when to respect a legitimate need for hibernation, and when to “feel the fear and do it anyway.” I find that nine out of ten times, pushing myself is the right choice. It is often the very thing that swings me back into a phase of expansion, just as you described so beautifully in this post.
But there are those rare times when the best choice is to honor the need to stay curled up and protected. It’s so important to respect and honor that need, too! (And I do hope, on this website, that no Elf ever feels pressured to give, and that every Elf feels that their choice to give or not give is always respected.)
Serena, your gifts sounded beautiful. Obviously, your post touched me very deeply — I am so glad you found the courage to act, and so glad you shared it with us!
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January 14th, 2010 - 3:27 pm
Serena,
Congratulations on your elfing! I know exactly what you mean. It’s such a special project that there is the potential of having it become larger than life. I myself have spent time looking for that “magic moment” for days and weeks on end! I think what helps me move through it is realizing that in MY life there is rarely a single perfect moment. What changes isn’t necessarily the external circumstances, but my internal ones. So I can have the exact same scenario play out and if I’m flying high and in a blissful vibe there is so much magic already that of COURSE it’s the perfect time! In a more contracted or introverted resting time, as ABM mentioned I feel there needs to be a sign of some sort.
Now, if you feel you need a sign, sit with that feeling. Respect it and honor it. Noone can be “on” all the time. We are organic beings and as such we experience ebbs and flows. This is the way of the world and there is no reason on earth to rail against it. In fact, honoring it allows us to rebuild our stores, adjust and go out into the world more ready than ever to make a difference in a meaningful way.
That said, you can also think about the fact that even if there’s no obvious magic right in front of you, you can *be* the magic in the situation! The act of gifting creates the magic that can shift everything. Sometimes doing something wonderful even if you don’t feel like it can bring you to a totally different place!
Regardless, it’s all totally personal and ultimately up to you! I’m so glad you were able to sprinkle some abundance out there in the world today. I hope it did feel as wonderful as it has for me! But if not, listen to your inner rhythm and rest. As mother nature has shown us everything happens in cycles, and divine timing is always perfect.
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January 26th, 2010 - 10:46 am
Hello Serena!
Thank you so much for a wonderful post. I’m so glad you shared your experience of “letting go and starting small” so that we can all benefit from it. And I also loved reading the insights provided by ABM and Serafina! Thank you all!
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